Managing conflict is not a task many people enjoy. It can feel awkward, uncomfortable and tempting to ignore in hopes it will go away. But in reality, avoiding conflict usually leads to further frustration. Conflict mediation is a skill and with a little bit of practice and a few key strategies, anyone can tackle these difficult conversations. 

It’s been months and your roommate just won’t catch the hint. They leave the light on at night, their clothes are scattered and last month they made a comment that rubbed you the wrong way. You’ve tried sighing and being noticeably silent, but none of it has worked. The reality is, indirect communication rarely leads to change. Instead, it often builds resentment. 

Now consider how the situation might have looked if you’d addressed it the first time it bothered you? Speaking up in the moment may feel uncomfortable, but early communication can help prevent issues from snowballing into greater problems. Now imagine, instead of letting a comment linger months you had said, “Hey, I felt hurt when you said __, can we talk about it?” Now the situation is fresh in both of your memories it’s easier to address and less likely to turn into resentment. 

When dealing with conflict, how you communicate matters just as much as what you say. It might feel easier to send a long text or leave a note, but written messages can easily come across as passive-aggressive. Without tone or opportunity for immediate clarification, your message may be misinterpreted. In most cases, having an in-person conversation is the most effective approach. If that feels too daunting, try starting with a quick text like, “Do you have time to chat later today about roommate expectations?” This opens the door without diving into the conflict right away. 

Now you’ve laid the groundwork, and it’s time to actually have the conversation. Start by being clear and specific about what you want to discuss and why it matters to you. Use “I” statements to explain how the behaviour affects you (“I’ve been having trouble sleeping when the light is on”), rather than placing blame. It’s equally important to hear the other person’s perspective as well. Often people aren’t trying to frustrate you, they simply didn’t realize their actions bothered you. Above all, aim for collaboration. Conflict mediation is about creating an environment where you both feel respected, not about winning.