Living in residence means constantly sharing space with other people such as roommates, floormates, guests, and staff. Because of this, small issues naturally come up. Maybe someone is talking in the hallway while you’re trying to study, dishes are left in the sink longer than expected or a roommate has guests over without mentioning it. These situations might feel small at first, but over time they can affect how comfortable you feel day-to-day. They shape whether your room feels like a place where you can actually relax. 

As both a student and a Don, I’ve lived in residence for almost three years. During that time, I’ve seen one skill make a huge difference for students: speaking up early when something is starting to affect your space or routine. This means noticing when something is bothering you and addressing it before it builds up and becomes heavier than it needs to be. 

When people stay silent about the issues that are affecting them, the problem doesn’t go away. Instead of gaining clarity, you’re left guessing why something happened. You might start wondering, why did my roommate do that? Is this going to keep happening? It’s easy to assume the worst when you haven’t communicated how you’re feeling to a roommate or floormate. That uncertainty can create unnecessary stress, all because a conversation never happened. 

This is often how small problems can turn into much bigger emotions. Many students tell me they hesitate to speak up because they don’t want to seem confrontational with the people they live with. That fear is completely valid. But communicating doesn’t always equal conflict. In fact, most of the time, it helps prevent conflict in the long run! 

From my own experience, if I’m studying and hear noise right outside my door, I step out and gently say something like, “I’m working on an assignment. Would you mind moving to a common area or keeping the volume a bit lower?” Each time I’ve done this, students have been incredibly respectful, and the situation is resolved almost immediately. If I stayed quiet instead, the frustration would likely stick with me affecting my mood and quality of work on my assignment. If speaking up feels uncomfortable, here are some tips to make communication easier: 

• Start neutral and specific: “Hey, I wanted to check in about the noise earlier.” 

• Focus on impact, not blame: “I was having trouble concentrating.” 

• Invite collaboration: “Can we figure out something that works for both of us?” 

• Use Don support if you’re unsure what to say. We can help you word things, talk through how you’re feeling and support you if issues get bigger. You don’t have to figure it out alone. 

You deserve to feel calm and supported where you live. Speaking up early isn’t confrontational. It’s one of the simplest ways to protect your peace 🤍.